he played me.

Sometimes words are just words. How do you know if someone meant to write them? Say them? Sing them?
For instance, I could write a poem. The most beautiful love poem you've ever read. But I didn't tell you I wrote it just for credit in school. Or just so he'd kiss me.
He could tell me he's so in love with me and that I'm beautiful and unique.
But does he mean it? Or does he just like to kiss?
For me personally, I don't say things I don't mean.
Words like, "I promise" and "I love you" are not thrown around. They are said when I've got eye-contact. When I ACTUALLY feel that way.
So for someone like me, I didn't realize words could be just... Words.
I realize now this is why so many naive girls, like myself, end up heartbroken. They use excuses and lie to everyone, including themselves, saying, "but he loves me, how could he be bad?"
Does he now? Does he love you?
Or does he like the way you "treated" him after he said it.
Did he say it to make you stop crying?
To make you stick around when he's been a jerk?
Maybe I'm just a pessimist.
Maybe I'm just looking for reasons.
An explanation.
Something.
But one thing's for sure.
I'm not falling for it again.

Film Analysis

The Goonies (1985)

Ordinary World: Brandon, Mikey, Mouth, Chunk, and Data, known as The Goonies, are best friends. They are all going lose their homes. This wealthy man is going to build a golf course where they all live in the boondocks. Their houses will be torn down if their families don't come up with some serious money. They are spending their last weekend together. 

Call to Adventure: Mikey and Brandon's dad works for a museum in town. He keeps some of the excess relics in the family attic. The boys venture up to have a look. Mikey finds a map to the treasure of One Eyed Willy. 

Refusal of the Call: All of the boys except Mikey decide that the search for the treasure would be in vain. It was probably just a myth and not worth the time spent searching. Mikey insists that they give it a shot.

Crossing the Threshold: Mouth, Mikey, Chunk, and Data tie Brandon to a chair and sneak out of the house to look for the treasure. They are not ready to leave the boondocks that they love so much. They want to save it and this could be their last chance.

Tests, Allies, Enemies: Within the first few minutes after they leave Mikey's house, they meet the enemies, the Fratellis. They are an Italian family of crime. They have just murdered two federal officers and broken the son out of jail. At this point, the boys don't know that. They unknowingly walk right into the crooks' hideout on their trail to the treasure. The boys spend the remainder of the film narrowly escaping these people.

Approach to the Inmost Cave: After the Fratellis leave the hideout, Mikey and the gang reenter the hideout (an old abandoned restaurant) with the map to find out where their next step in finding the treasure is. They go down to the basement of the building and Chunk spills water on the ground revealing a secret passageway in the fireplace. They also discover the body of one of the federal officers in the freezer shortly after.

The Ordeal: The Fratelli's return to the restaurant and the kids decide the only way out is through the fireplace. They all enter except for Chunk. They send him to find the police. Chunk is apprehended by Mrs. Fratelli and chained up with Sloth. Thus begins the real adventure. The kids in the tunnels below the restaurant are faced with age old "booby traps" and other frightening obstacles. Chunk faces a very scary interrogation and eventually admits to the Fratellis that his friends went down the fireplace in search of treasure. Of course, the family of crime is intrigued. They enter the fireplace.

Reward: The Goonies discover the treasure of One Eyed Willy. Shortly after they arrive, so do the Fratellis. They are very greedy and want the treasure all to themselves.
The Road Back: The treasure that they had picked up was taken from them by the Fratellis and the kids were tied up and preparing to walk the plank of One Eyed Willy's ship. They nearly die when Chunk and Sloth show up to save the day.

The Resurrection: Mikey and the gang fight the Fratellis. They prevail and escape the caves through a small opening that Sloth helps them get through. The Goonies receive justice finally.

Return With the Elixir: Mikey and the Goonies didn't make it out with any treasure and they thought no one would believe their story. Then the ship and all it's contents floats from inside the cave and everyone is very excited. The Goonies save the boondocks. None of them have to move anymore and everyone is happy. The Fratellis are taken into custody for their various crimes. 

from ordinary to extraodrinary

The Wallflower

Charlotte Mae Tucker, or Charlee as she is known by her peers, is an average 18 year old high school student. She gets average grades, has an average attendance record, and has never really received any major recognition... ever. She's a regular wallflower. She loves to write and read. She loves warm summer days and starry nights. She is a receptionist for a local dentist's office. One day, while Charlee is at work, Leo Walker comes in. She's been crushing on him for years. After a few minutes of small talk, both of them are extremely shy, Leo asks if Charlee would like to go out sometime. Charlee has never been noticed before. She is surprised and excited. Her whole world is turned around with the thought that someone, the boy of her dreams, noticed her. Wanted her. Charlee begins to raise her hand in class, speak up for herself, and even voice her opinions. Charlee exhibits confidence in herself for the first time in her 18 years.

Questions:
Do Charlee and Leo end up together?
Will Charlee's newfound confidence be crushed if Leo ever leaves her?
Do Charlee and Leo end up happy?

ode to the underdog.

This is for the other girl. 
For the girls who feel like the other girl.
This is for the lonely girl who peruses the romance section of the library. 
This is for the outcasts. 
This is for those who eat lunch alone. 
For those who don't eat lunch at all.
let it go. 
This is for the girl who cries herself to sleep every night. 
For the boy who caused her heartache. 
This is for all the girls. 
The girls who study every "chick flick" and spend their days waiting for that guy on his noble steed to show up. 
Let it go.
This is for all those who love it when their cell phone declares they've got no service. 
Searching.... 
Let it go. 
This is for the nerds. 
This is for the boys with commitment issues. For the girls who cry over them. 
This is for the broken hearted. 
Let it go.
For the used. 
The stressed. 
The nervous. 
Let it go.
This is for the failures. 
The ones who don't see the potential in themselves. 
The potential to be great. 
Greater than great.
Let it go. 
This is for the single mothers. 
For their daily struggles. 
This is for the sisters. 
The brothers. 
Let it go.
This is for the fakers. 
The pretenders. 
Let it go. If you let it affect you, they win. They are wrong. You know that. Let it go.You are pretty. Someone does love you. You are not alone. Don't be afraid to just be yourself. Yourself is good enough. 




This is for you. 
Are you listening?

forget you.

I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting how much I have. How lucky I am that I live where I do. I keep forgetting to thank them for all they do for me. For all they sacrifice on my behalf. I keep forgetting to say sorry. To swallow my pride and admit I'm wrong. I keep forgetting to enjoy my time here. To stop and smell the roses. I keep forgetting to be comfortable with who I am. To be happy being me. When will we own ourselves completely? I keep forgetting to write in my journal. To clean my room. I keep forgetting where I put my keys. They're around here somewhere... I keep forgetting I'm an adult. Not a child. No more whining and crying. I keep forgetting... on purpose. I keep forgetting to forget you. I keep forgetting I'm not the only person on this earth. I keep forgetting the important things. His birthday. Her wedding day. Oops... I keep forgetting to just breathe. I keep forgetting to be there for you. To hug you and tell you I love you. I just assume you know. I keep forgetting that you might cry, too. I keep forgetting to tell you that you're my best friend. That you're gorgeous and those boys have no clue what they're missing. And tonight is not the last time I'll see the light.

I keep forgetting to... i forgot.

blurBs.

Just Friends By: Jonas Brothers
Nick, a quiet math nerd, wishes that Selena, his best friend, would be his woman. Selena doesn't know of Nick's feelings. She feels the same way. Their relationship slowly grows from a friendship to a relationship.

On Your Porch By: The Format
Nate is an average middle-class boy. His father is really sick. He wants to run from his problems. His father tells him that he loves him and that he's proud of Nate. Nate reminisces on his childhood memories. He love his father and doesn't want to let him go.

Mr. Brightside By: the Killers
Brandon is a heartbroken young man. He has just found out that his girlfriend, Fiona is cheating on him with his best friend, Harry. He loves Fiona far too much to let her go so without a fight. So he pretends like nothing is wrong. One night, Brandon can't take it anymore. In a jealous rage, he rushes over to Harry's apartment, flings open the door to the bedroom and finds the Fiona and Harry. Brandon kills Harry.

Ugly Kids By: Canoe
Mary is Kyle's ex-girlfriend. Even though they're not together, Kyle still likes Mary a lot. Mary goes on a trip to Venezuela with the Peace Corps to get Kyle off her mind. While in Venezuela, she finds Trent. Trent is a pre-med at Yale. Trent also has an award winning smile and rockin' bod. Mary and Trent get engaged. They head back to the states and plan their wedding. Meanwhile, Kyle is still trying to win over Mary's heart. Mary finds Trent cheating on her with her roomate, Natalie. Kyle tries so hard to win her over. Mary won't have any of it.

O Valencia! By: The Decemberists
William and Valencia love each other. Valencia's brother is William's sworn enemy. Valencia and William begin to sneak out every night to see each other in secret. Then one night, Beatrice, Valencia's sister, sees the two running across the lawn hand in hand toward the trees. Beatrice wastes no time telling their father of the incident. He is enraged. When the two arrive home, William is sneaking Valencia back across the lawn when he hears her brother scream, "WILLIAM!" Valencia runs back to Williams side to protect him. Her brother shoots Valencia in the back by accident. Her last words are, "I'll love you forever, William".

(6)er

story time with Kenny Chesney.

Song title: The Good Stuff

Song artist: Kenny Chesney

lyrics

Plot: A man gets in his first fight with his wife and goes to a bar with the intention to drink away his troubles. After asking the bartender for "the good stuff", the bartender tells him that "the good stuff" should be the moments with his wife. The bartender tells the man about how his wife died and that he spent five years in a bar after. Then when he sobered up, he realized that he needed to think about the moments he had with her and not the fact that she was gone. He needed to be happy that he even had her in the first place. The bartender advises the man to go home to his wife and apologize and spend as little time as possible fighting and more time loving each other. 

Characters: 

Bartender

The man

Conflict: The man gets in his first fight with his wife. He doesn't know what else to do besides go to the bar. 

Theme: Realizing what is important in life. Letting down your pride and admitting you're wrong to avoid fighting. Keeping your relationships with the ones you love close because you never know when you are going to lose them. 

Setting:

A deserted bar on a street corner. 

Song title: Big Star

Song artist: Kenny Chesney

lyrics

Plot: A girl gets up on stage at a karaoke bar with aspirations to be a singer. She hopes that she'll get the attention she needs to become famous.  She became a local celebrity and sang at the bar every night. Everyone loved her. After a few weeks, she had groupies, people were asking for her autograph, and she was the talk of the town. Then she makes her big break. She sings to huge crowds and eats caviar every night. She becomes a celebrity.

Characters:

The Girl

Conflict: The girl just wants to fulfill her dreams. She wants people to notice her. All of her friends shut her down and having her dream would be a great replacement. 

Theme: Follow your dreams. You'll never know if they're possible unless you try. 

Setting: 

Banana Joe's Bar

concert venues

green with envy

The Act
by: William Carlos Williams

Although this man has a very unfortunate name... I find myself SO jealous of him.
This poem really speaks to me and I wish SO HARD that I had written it instead of him. I love how simple and yet deep it is. It says so much in so few lines.

"Ahh, we were all beautiful once"

When I read this, I instantly thought of Beauty and the Beast. The old hag that comes to his door with a rose and he turns her away. So she says that he'll remain a beast until he can find someone to love him. As I recall, the beast was a very attractive man in the beginning. A real lady's man. Then, his looks were gone and all he was left with was his "winner" personality. No one wanted to be around him after that. Not only was he ugly, he was a real jerk. Not even a hood rat would stoop so low as to marry that. So the beast was left alone.

"They won't last"

Once you're old and you no longer have that bikini body, you're really left with nothing if you aren't a good person. In other words, if you aren't pretty on the inside, getting old is really going to suck.

William Carlos Williams is a poetic genius. He gets it. I want to be a poet like him.

bother. bother. bother.

I'm tired of pretending. Pretending to be someone I'm not. Tired of everyone expecting me to be someone I'm not.  I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of high school drama. Tired of HER. I'm tired of gangsters and hoes. I'm tired of small talk. Just state your business and get on with life. I'm tired of the top 100 songs on itunes. "dutty dutty..." not again! I'm tired of Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan. I wanna hear about people I know. Not those clowns. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of idiots. I'm tired of not being able to stand up for myself. I'm tired of politics. I'm tired of people who mumble. I'm tired of snap judgements. I'm tired of being a loser. I'm tired of texting. I'm tired of trying to impress everyone, especially those I don't even like. I'm tired of getting ready. I'm tired of being known as my brother's sister. I was born first. I'm tired of gas prices continuing to go up. I'm tired of people not using their turning signal when they drive. It was put there for a reason. Use it. I'm tired of winter. It's depressing.I'm tired of boys putting their hands in their pants in public. Seriously? I'm tired of complaining. Tired of everyone around me complaining.

I AM CUSSING TIRED. 

what is love? baby don't hurt me. don't hurt me. no more.

love is knowing. noticing. being there. love is sacrificing time with your friends for time with your family. love is letting him win. love is a husband taking care of his wife even when she's so stricken with dementia that she doesn't even remember his name anymore. love is admitting you're wrong. love is sticking up for your friend even if it means everyone else will hate you. love is a high five on a bad day. love is letting him have the T.V. when your favorite show is on. love is going over to a sick friends house and spending the day watching movies and talking when you could've been at that party. love is my mom doing my laundry for me. my dad fixing my car repeatedly without complaining. love is constantly giving. never finished. love is sharing your candy. calling for no apparent reason. love is telling her she's got a booger in her nose. love is family night volleyball. a bear hug. love is remembering his birthday. love is holding her when she's crying. love is listening. love is sitting at your sons wrestling tournament all day.





"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

-Jessica (She's 8. I know, right?)

curiousity....killed the cat? meow.

WHY? Why can't I tell him I think he's cute?  Why can't I go to bed at 2 in the morning, wake up and 6 and feel awesome? Why can't we be friends? Why I touch my nose with my tongue? Why can't I fly? Why can't I be a dog whisperer? Why can't everyone be as blessed as me? Why can't I be wonder woman? Why can't it always be spring? Why can't I just say sorry? Why can't Elvis come back? Why can't life be fair? Why can't I score a date with Zac Efron? Why can't I own a pet tiger? Why can't people always be honest? Why can't I breathe underwater? Why can't I live in the moon? Why can't grass always be green? Why can't I always be tan? Why can't chocolate be healthy? Why can't my snowmen come to life? Frosty? Why can't I be her? Why can't everyday be Christmas? Why can't boys just know? You know? Why can't I have three wishes?Why can't we all just  get along? Why can't we stop gossiping? Why can't everything be easy? Why can't we just dance? Why can't cartoons be real? Why can't I be rescued by a handsome prince? Why can't they understand?

Why?

it's only me and i walk alone.

I walk alone. I walk alone. I'm stranded. I have no cell phone service and even if I did, I have no one to call. I walk alone. I walk alone. There's not a soul in sight. Not even a soul-less person. I walk alone. I walk alone. A tumble weed scratches the asphalt as it makes its journey across the lifeless street. I walk alone. I walk alone. All of the shops are empty. Windows cracked. A sad song by an artist I can not name mumbles out of an abandoned radio. I walk alone. I walk alone. The wind is a bitter symphony, a constant reminder of those who never had faith in me. Those who wanted to hold me back. Congratulations. You won. I walk alone. I walk alone. The clouds become swollen and black. Rain pours. Lightning crashes, illuminating the skeletons of old, worn down cars no one loves anymore. I walk alone. I walk alone. My heart grows heavy with the burden of regret. All those times I should have told them I loved them and never did. I walk alone. I walk alone. My mind is filled with the memories of all those I judged too quickly. We could have been friends. Best friends. I walk alone. I walk alone. My clothes are worn out. Beyond repair. I wish I could go back and make things right.

I walk alone. 

I walk alone.

dude, did you hear? I'm thinking about you.

So I'm sitting at work and I just cannot stop thinking about you.
I'm thinking about you like a heart thinks about veins. Like a surgeon thinks about brains. Like a gangster thinks about chains. I'm thinking about you like a player thinks about who's in the stands. Like girls think about boy bands. Like a hand thinks about holding another hand. I'm thinking about you like Ms. Dalton thinks about pottery. Like a gambler thinks about winning the lottery. Seriously. I'm thinking about you like i'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about you like a bride thinks about saying, "I do". Like hair thinks about shampoo. I'm thinking about you like Ke$ha thinks about waking up feeling like P. Diddy. Like boys think about girls that are pretty. I'm thinking about you like a bandit thinks about a catchy nickname. Like a picture thinks about a frame. Like Lady Gaga thinks about the LoveGame. For real. You're the best. Which is why I'm thinking about you like a hippy thinks about a good protest. Like a knight thinks about his quest. Oh shoot, I'm thinking about you like my boss thinks about letting me go. Or was that Sean Kingston? Either way, I'm always thinking about y-o-u.

direct orders

You are under direct orders to rock out.

Rock out like you just found that CD you've been searching for.
Rock out like you just got a 4.0.
Rock out like have the best dance moves in the world.
Rock out like you're a zebra that just escaped from the zoo.
Rock out like that cop didn't give you a ticket.
Rock out like no one's watching.
Rock out like you're on wheel of fortune.
Rock out like it's your birthday.
Rock out like you're dying, because you are.
Rock out like you've never rocked out before.
Rock out like you just got a new pair of shoes.
Rock out like you were the first person a child ever smiled at.
Rock out like it's the last time you'll hear music.
Rock out like it's a beautiful day and you've got your sunroof open, your sunglasses on, and your best friend by your side.
Rock out like you just found out you are indeed, the fairest of them all.
Rock out like you just got acquitted.
Rock out like you just married your best friend.
Rock out like you're a child starving during the Great Depression and your father was able to trade shoes for food.
Rock out like it's all you have.
Rock out like those things she said didn't bother you.
Rock out like you are an orphaned child that just found a loving home.
Rock out like everyone in the world treated others like they'd like to be treated.
Rock out like everything is going exactly perfect, because it never will.
Rock out like the world is yours.
Rock out like you're not too cool, because you aren't.
Rock out like everyone was honest all the time.
Rock out like someone just wrote a love song about you.
Rock out like you don't live in a world full of social norms.

Rock the cuss out.

da intro, yo.

SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE!

Now that I have your attention...

Allow me to introduce myself or, rather, my blog. This is hopefully going to be the place in which I blow your mind with my awesome writing skills.

*APPLAUSE*

Settle down.
Honestly.

Okay, in all seriousness, I am an average teenager from your average Utah family. You know, one mom, one dad, 30 billion kids. Most of my family are Utah Ute fans. I myself have dreams of becoming part of the M.U.S.S. (look it up) someday.  And yes, I do have one those adorable Utah accents. Complete with enough "moun'ains" and "cricks" to ensure my status as a "hick" stays intact. I'm also a complete klutz. However, I make falling down a flight of stairs look good. It's a mystery to me that I haven't ended up in the hospital... yet.

I love writing, it's the best therapy out there. Right after copious amounts of ice cream. I love to read. I mostly read non-fiction books and I'm not really sure why. Maybe because it's real? I think laughing is so fun. I truly believe it is the best medicine.  I love trying new things, especially new FOOD! I tried sushi last month, best day of my life. I love music. I like pretty much everything except bluegrass. Ew.

I dislike fake people and rude people. Let's be real, who doesn't? I dislike Miley Cyrus. I think she is a bad influence (she won an award for it... no joke). I dislike warm toilet seats. I think they are so incredibly gross. It makes me wonder who was there before me... *shudder*  And last, but definitely not least, I detest the labels we give each other. The worst part about the whole thing is when we accept those labels. No one in high school ever believes that they are far more than their labels suggest. Or at least they have the potential to be.

And that's about it.